ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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