shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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