Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
