she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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