can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
