i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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