If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
