People with herpes should wear stickers.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
