sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
