nut hugger
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
