Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hippo gnu deer
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
