Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
