this boner is exhausting
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
