everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Randomize
