Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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