What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
