On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He has the fingertips of a God
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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