i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
