You can't motorboat a personality
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need a burrito and a hug.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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