You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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