what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
