You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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