i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
