The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You took a bar mat shot.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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