Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
