So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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