I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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