He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
