toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize