spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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