she was so not down for the gang bang
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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