As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
