My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
