I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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