New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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