he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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