he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
