We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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