She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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