Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
