when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
