There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize