Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
