i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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