Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
