How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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