Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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