If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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