His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
