dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
