that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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