I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
