you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
