You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
