At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
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