When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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