Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
