I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
