just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
