ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
