Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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