Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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