I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
