her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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