She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
