im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
