dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
