if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
