This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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