i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
