She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
