Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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