she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize